Reading between the lines (or not) and a bit of psychology

I always thought I was very good at 'reading between the lines'... but it's becoming ever more clear that I'm useless at it. Some of it is quite learnt, and if one time, one person said something and I overheard them talking about me afterwards negatively, I've learnt that's what that means; and taken that rule and applied it to every person in every situation. There are too many examples to even know where to begin. 


A lot of it I think I learnt in primary school, and I guess other people (might) now think and behave differently to when they were kids? 
E.g. If someone doesn't talk to me when I'm around them a fair bit, they hate me and want me to go away. I'm still pretty convinced this is true, but apparently people might just not know what to say, or they may have no opinion of me at all. Also I've been told many times I come across as distant/detached/cold, I don't mean to, it's just in social situations, I'm so anxious and have no confidence (my assumption about everyone unless given extensive reassurance, is that everyone hates me) so I kind of shut down; I want to connect but not be interrogated, but my instinctive reaction around people is extreme anxiety. I've learnt that in AS, the amygdala (part of the brain) is affected when around people, which in turn provokes a 'fight or flight' response. My normal response is flight because I'm too scared to fight! Unless I'm forced to talk to someone who I'm never going to see again and don't care what they think about me, then I'll give a little verbal fight.... only to get accused of being 'hostile'! Can't win!
It seems I 'read between the lines' as such, but frequently my assumptions are wayyyyyy off and people seem to misjudge my words and body language too in the same way. It's like I speak English... just in a different way ^.^ 


I guess I need to learn to take more risks and trust more, be more firmly grounded in who God says I am to become resilient to hurt and rejection, whilst keeping pride in check. 
Had a good day today, even with a meeting with my social worker this a.m. ... still feeling extremely anxious in most situations, but I just feel peaceful deep down; I know I'm in God's hands and everything is going to be alright in the end. That he does have good plans for me in this life too, even through the difficulties I will continue to face. I think it was in my devotional book by Joyce Meyer, a quote 

'nothing you've been through will be wasted with God; 

he can use it all' 

Off to play on illustrator before bed,

Night all

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