I was on the bus home from college today, when some young (navy)? cadets got on a couple of stops after me. The bus was crammed full of people to begin with, but when it emptied out a bit there were some spare seats and one of the cadets decided to move to a free double seat to spread out a bit. The others, joking, jeered 'loner' and, 'what are you, autistic?!', to rounds of laughter from them all.
'Hilarious' I thought, in the most sarcastic tone my mind could muster.
So here is my problems with labels. Autistics have been in society since records began. Only they weren't called 'autistics'. They were just known as 'Ella the quiet girl', 'mad aunt Flo' or 'Tom the maths genius', or maybe; maybe they were just known by their names, Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, Amadeus Mozart, Sir Isaac Newton, to name a few. In history, before labels, people were treated as individuals. If hypothetically one person knew Mozart and Einstein, they wouldn't assume Einstein was too a musical child prodigy and Mozart had the mind that would alter the way we view the scientific world today. (Although if their life spans had overlapped, I would've loved to know how they got on if someone had introduced them to each other!).
Say someone knows 1 person with autism. Take my brother; he has classic-ish Kanner autism, severe learning difficulties and cerebral palsy. They might assume all autistic people are like him. To discover that I too have an Autistic Spectrum Disorder (albeit up the Aspergers end), they wouldn't believe me. (A lot of people don't!).
My point here is over-generalisation. Just because this one person with Aspergers you knew when you were 16 loved boats, doesn't mean I do. Just because he/she hated CSI, doesn't mean I do... you get the picture?
I think the lack of understanding among the general population about these conditions leads to damaging over generalisation regarding a group of people who fall under one label. Saying all people with Autism love trains is a bit like saying all people with Anorexia love Maths, or all people with Kidney disease love painting . It's completely illogical, yet most seem unaware of that.
This is a major problem with professionals too - I know guidelines have to be put in place to give health professionals an idea of what to do, but when they are so generic, you loose the person, and they (too often) become the label to their health professional.
- Guideline x.45.y.99: 1st line treatment R, 2nd line treatment Y, if that doesn't work, ignore them and tell them it's stress! I know it's not quite as simple as that and a lot of health professionals out there do care very much about their patients and want to do what's best for them - I'm not having a go, I'm just saying what it feels like to us. (If you're not aware, I am currently preparing to apply to study medicine at uni)
This 'lost in a guideline' scenario becomes not just impersonal, but highly dangerous, especially when the incorrect label is applied. (As in my case it was for many years, but let's not go there now).
So I think I've moaned about the bad and the ugly long enough, let's look at some good things about labels.
When I first realised that I had Aspergers, it's only because there is a name for it that I was able to find collections of information about the syndrome and resources to help me. If there was no label, I would never have found Rudy Simone's book which for the first time in my life, I was reading and thought, 'she could be describing me. I'm not the only one!'
That sense of community and (a part of) my identity as an aspie has been essential to me moving forward in life and recovering from the mess my life had gotten into. That is a very big positive.
For professionals, it can help to pool resources and enable those who need help to receive the right kind of help. (However that only works when the correct label is applied!)
So... labels. I think if people were more aware of conditions and that we are still individual persons, then the good would outweigh the bad. However, the world today is a long, long way off that.
26 February 2013
8 February 2013
Attitudes towards disability - pt 1
I've been thinking about writing on this topic for a while, I will probably write a few blogs around it.
Today - What does disability look like?
I was recently with a group of teenagers briefly discussing this. I was shocked and rather horrified to hear some teenage girls say that to be disabled means to be in a wheelchair. The fact is that less than 8% of disabled people use a wheelchair.
When I say disabled person, what images enter your mind?
The bright young woman with a successful career, the quiet bloke who never talks to anyone, the mother down the road with 4 kids, the older lady with 7 cats, the little boy who hates green veg.
Any of these people could be 'disabled'.
I say 'disabled', because I know many of us don't like the word. It has so many unhelpful connotations, like the wheelchair image, the benefits 'scrounger' image. That's the one I hate the most. Recent statics showed that 97% of claims for disability benefits are NOT fraudulent. All this stereotype does is divide society and lead to hostility and discrimination against disabled people, making it even harder for us to find our place and get training (and maybe) work.
Some of us may not be like 'normal' people, our minds and/or bodies may not work like yours. However, we are not necessarily 'disabled', just 'differently-abled'. If people were not so fiercely judgmental and ignorant, I think many more disabled people would be able to play a role in society instead of being pushed to the margins of it.
The issues of mental illness and mental disabilities has been overlooked for far too long. How has it become shameful to have a mental illness, to have people judge you and mock you, when if you had a physical illness people would be helping you out? It's so wrong! I'm glad to see the time to change campaign doing good work on this.
Back to topic though - what does disability look like? I think it varies depending on your perception of it, what you see passes through tinted lenses, coloured by your own opinions.
If you look at disabled people with scepticism and judgement, you will only see negative things.
In reality, disability 'looks' like a human being, a person who has more struggles than other people, seen or unseen.
If more people were accepting and adaptable, more disabled people would be able to find work. It's not disability keeping people out of mainstream society - it's peoples attitudes towards it.
Today - What does disability look like?
I was recently with a group of teenagers briefly discussing this. I was shocked and rather horrified to hear some teenage girls say that to be disabled means to be in a wheelchair. The fact is that less than 8% of disabled people use a wheelchair.
When I say disabled person, what images enter your mind?
The bright young woman with a successful career, the quiet bloke who never talks to anyone, the mother down the road with 4 kids, the older lady with 7 cats, the little boy who hates green veg.
Any of these people could be 'disabled'.
I say 'disabled', because I know many of us don't like the word. It has so many unhelpful connotations, like the wheelchair image, the benefits 'scrounger' image. That's the one I hate the most. Recent statics showed that 97% of claims for disability benefits are NOT fraudulent. All this stereotype does is divide society and lead to hostility and discrimination against disabled people, making it even harder for us to find our place and get training (and maybe) work.
Some of us may not be like 'normal' people, our minds and/or bodies may not work like yours. However, we are not necessarily 'disabled', just 'differently-abled'. If people were not so fiercely judgmental and ignorant, I think many more disabled people would be able to play a role in society instead of being pushed to the margins of it.
The issues of mental illness and mental disabilities has been overlooked for far too long. How has it become shameful to have a mental illness, to have people judge you and mock you, when if you had a physical illness people would be helping you out? It's so wrong! I'm glad to see the time to change campaign doing good work on this.
Back to topic though - what does disability look like? I think it varies depending on your perception of it, what you see passes through tinted lenses, coloured by your own opinions.
If you look at disabled people with scepticism and judgement, you will only see negative things.
In reality, disability 'looks' like a human being, a person who has more struggles than other people, seen or unseen.
If more people were accepting and adaptable, more disabled people would be able to find work. It's not disability keeping people out of mainstream society - it's peoples attitudes towards it.
19 November 2012
It's been a while... very much a 'dreams' post rather than a 'detours' one :)
I was just looking back at when I last posted - 13th of July. Oh how things have changed in the past 4 months... ...4 months... is that all?!
Around the time of the last entry, James and I were just getting to know each other... and we've been together well since about 2 weeks after then, nearly 4 months now :)
I am living in Cheltenham, I've done a half term-and-a-bit of my A levels - it doesn't sound like much, but for me it wasn't the academic stuff I struggled with at all, it was all the other stuff that goes along with being at college etc... I guess it just wasn't God's timing. I'm not entirely sure why I had to wait 6 years and go through all of that until I started my A levels though... It'd be nice to find out one day.
I'm not really sure where to start with 'what else in new'... everything is new... I'm 'me' again... that's a massive answer to prayer. Emma is back... although rather scarred now.
Oh I reapplied for funding stuff, they still won't agree :/ I'm coming round to the idea that I may have to live with these for the rest of my life.. It will just make going into medicine so much more... squirmish! When people look at or ask me about my scars, at the moment I still want the ground to swallow me up - it feels like my organs bunch up together and shrink back inside me away from my skin.
Looking back over the past few years... it is quite miraculous that I'm still alive. Finding out I'm aspie, turning back to God has strengthened me so much... I'm so excited about the future now :)
... Never ever thought I'd say that again.
I think that's all for now,
Take care peoples
X
Around the time of the last entry, James and I were just getting to know each other... and we've been together well since about 2 weeks after then, nearly 4 months now :)
I am living in Cheltenham, I've done a half term-and-a-bit of my A levels - it doesn't sound like much, but for me it wasn't the academic stuff I struggled with at all, it was all the other stuff that goes along with being at college etc... I guess it just wasn't God's timing. I'm not entirely sure why I had to wait 6 years and go through all of that until I started my A levels though... It'd be nice to find out one day.
I'm not really sure where to start with 'what else in new'... everything is new... I'm 'me' again... that's a massive answer to prayer. Emma is back... although rather scarred now.
Oh I reapplied for funding stuff, they still won't agree :/ I'm coming round to the idea that I may have to live with these for the rest of my life.. It will just make going into medicine so much more... squirmish! When people look at or ask me about my scars, at the moment I still want the ground to swallow me up - it feels like my organs bunch up together and shrink back inside me away from my skin.
Looking back over the past few years... it is quite miraculous that I'm still alive. Finding out I'm aspie, turning back to God has strengthened me so much... I'm so excited about the future now :)
... Never ever thought I'd say that again.
I think that's all for now,
Take care peoples
X
13 July 2012
Moving on
So, today I put down the holding fee for a flat in Cheltenham! It's easily walkable distance from town, but in a quieter residential area, just down the road from both my church and a big park in Cheltenham - so green countryside won't be too far away for country-bumpkin me ;) I can take my cat too! The only downside is it's very small. I'm going to have to sell quite a lot of furniture and maybe buy a couple smaller bits which make better use of floor space.
I'm feeling good tonight. Kind of reflective so sorry if this waffles on about random/deep/cliche nonsense.
There are so many cheesy phrases I could use right now, 'start of the rest of my life' is the first one that comes to mind. I'm feeling excited about the move, but also calm. I was quite nervous last night, but today I ok. It's going to be a massive change, it's almost like moving out of home (even though I technically live on my own now). I'm looking at probably going to college to take some A levels as they would take the same amount of time to complete as a year of voluntary work and a year of access course, but they're so much more widely accepted. If I can discipline myself to work through the boring crap-ness of these 2 years, many other doors open to me. I'm hoping now knowing what the long term bit is (Aspergers) and with the other stuff being better, that college will be better at supporting me and being more flexible with me. To be honest if I say I need x y and z because of a disability it would be against the law not to make 'reasonable adjustments' to accommodate me.
So... in my last post I said about the appointment for assessment for surgery being turned down. That was a massive knock. I felt pretty rubbish after that but got through it.
I never realized how much I had distanced from God until recently. I'm so grateful for him and my church, where I've really been able to grow in my faith again. It's definitely what's keeping me on level ground at the moment. He's who I turn to for everything, I know I can trust him with everything and I can't wait to see what he has in store for the future. I know he will give me what I need, although sometimes his ideas are rather different to mine!
So yeh, I'm feeling good about moving on, scared obviously. But I've waited so so so so so so so so so long for this, I just can't wait to move on from this chapter of my life, despite the many challenges I know I'm going to face, I just feel like everything's beginning to slot into place.
Going to shut up now, I need to eat something before the painkillers wear off! (Eustachian tubes playing up - causing a stupid amount of pain.. been awake since 4am with it)
Night all,
X
I'm feeling good tonight. Kind of reflective so sorry if this waffles on about random/deep/cliche nonsense.
There are so many cheesy phrases I could use right now, 'start of the rest of my life' is the first one that comes to mind. I'm feeling excited about the move, but also calm. I was quite nervous last night, but today I ok. It's going to be a massive change, it's almost like moving out of home (even though I technically live on my own now). I'm looking at probably going to college to take some A levels as they would take the same amount of time to complete as a year of voluntary work and a year of access course, but they're so much more widely accepted. If I can discipline myself to work through the boring crap-ness of these 2 years, many other doors open to me. I'm hoping now knowing what the long term bit is (Aspergers) and with the other stuff being better, that college will be better at supporting me and being more flexible with me. To be honest if I say I need x y and z because of a disability it would be against the law not to make 'reasonable adjustments' to accommodate me.
So... in my last post I said about the appointment for assessment for surgery being turned down. That was a massive knock. I felt pretty rubbish after that but got through it.
I never realized how much I had distanced from God until recently. I'm so grateful for him and my church, where I've really been able to grow in my faith again. It's definitely what's keeping me on level ground at the moment. He's who I turn to for everything, I know I can trust him with everything and I can't wait to see what he has in store for the future. I know he will give me what I need, although sometimes his ideas are rather different to mine!
So yeh, I'm feeling good about moving on, scared obviously. But I've waited so so so so so so so so so long for this, I just can't wait to move on from this chapter of my life, despite the many challenges I know I'm going to face, I just feel like everything's beginning to slot into place.
Going to shut up now, I need to eat something before the painkillers wear off! (Eustachian tubes playing up - causing a stupid amount of pain.. been awake since 4am with it)
Night all,
X
5 July 2012
Really tough day...
So.. it's been a long time since I've written...
This will be very open, as I feel this sort of stuff needs to be less scary to talk about - and - it's all that's on my mind at the moment. So here goes, forgive me for perhaps being a little blunt.
My arms and legs are severely scarred. I have always wanted to work as a medic, which means wearing short sleeves. Which causes... MAJOR problems.
I have been free of self-harm for over a year now. I am moving on in life and want nothing more in the world than for the scars to be gone. I know whatever surgery takes place my arms will never be 'normal', but it's very hard to move on in life when your intimate history is written in bold capital letters all across your body.
I believe I meet the criteria for NHS treatment as the 'original issue' has resolved and the scars cause 'severe psychosocial dysfunction' / psychological distress.
They cause more than that... imagine being in a boiling hot room and having to wear long sleeves and trousers or thick tights... imagine never being able to go to the beach or sunbathe ever again... never being able to wear a t-shirt ever again, and only dresses that can be worn with a jacket and dark tights (skin colour ones even at the thickest denier just don't work).
It's not just in my personal life they become difficult... a LOT of work uniforms for low-paid jobs insist on short sleeves - and even with long sleeves if I stretch to get something a couple of scars will peek out of my sleeve - it's not something employers will 'see past'. It severely affects my chances of employment and career opportunities.
That's not even mentioning the effect they have on my self-confidence... (like what self-confidence!!)
Anyway, my GP referred me to a plastic surgeon, and I had an appointment all booked for early-mid august... today I got a letter in the post saying my appointment has been cancelled due to 'non-funded procedure'. There aren't really crystal-clear guidelines on this sort of thing cos it's so seldom requested/done. He will put in for an INNF/IFR (interventions not normally funded/individual funding request) but said he really doesn't know if they will agree to it and feels it's likely they won't.
So... now what?
Otherwise had a pretty boring day, haven't managed to eat 'enough' (although it still feels like too much) today, otherwise I've been doing well.
Oh the bus driver today was a *()&%^$*&^** ... I asked if the bus went past my stop because it seemed like an extra service (unusual time) and he looked confused and then said yes. then he stopped about 3/4 mile away from home and says 'I lied, it doesn't stop there'. Having just opened the letter when I was out and having a very heavy bag of shopping (nothing exciting - cleaning supplies) this was the last thing I needed. Had been holding back the tears for about an hour by then and that was the last straw... walked back home sniffling and feeling rather embarrassed! :/
There's no way I could ever afford to get surgery privately either.
So a waiting game. I was so hoping that this would just go smoothly and I would have a semi fresh start... so I could pursue the career I've always wanted and could walk around in everyday life without feeling paranoid that my scars are showing.
So everything is up in the air again and I'm feeling pretty lonely and rubbish.
Night all, sorry for the moan xx
This will be very open, as I feel this sort of stuff needs to be less scary to talk about - and - it's all that's on my mind at the moment. So here goes, forgive me for perhaps being a little blunt.
My arms and legs are severely scarred. I have always wanted to work as a medic, which means wearing short sleeves. Which causes... MAJOR problems.
I have been free of self-harm for over a year now. I am moving on in life and want nothing more in the world than for the scars to be gone. I know whatever surgery takes place my arms will never be 'normal', but it's very hard to move on in life when your intimate history is written in bold capital letters all across your body.
I believe I meet the criteria for NHS treatment as the 'original issue' has resolved and the scars cause 'severe psychosocial dysfunction' / psychological distress.
They cause more than that... imagine being in a boiling hot room and having to wear long sleeves and trousers or thick tights... imagine never being able to go to the beach or sunbathe ever again... never being able to wear a t-shirt ever again, and only dresses that can be worn with a jacket and dark tights (skin colour ones even at the thickest denier just don't work).
It's not just in my personal life they become difficult... a LOT of work uniforms for low-paid jobs insist on short sleeves - and even with long sleeves if I stretch to get something a couple of scars will peek out of my sleeve - it's not something employers will 'see past'. It severely affects my chances of employment and career opportunities.
That's not even mentioning the effect they have on my self-confidence... (like what self-confidence!!)
Anyway, my GP referred me to a plastic surgeon, and I had an appointment all booked for early-mid august... today I got a letter in the post saying my appointment has been cancelled due to 'non-funded procedure'. There aren't really crystal-clear guidelines on this sort of thing cos it's so seldom requested/done. He will put in for an INNF/IFR (interventions not normally funded/individual funding request) but said he really doesn't know if they will agree to it and feels it's likely they won't.
So... now what?
Otherwise had a pretty boring day, haven't managed to eat 'enough' (although it still feels like too much) today, otherwise I've been doing well.
Oh the bus driver today was a *()&%^$*&^** ... I asked if the bus went past my stop because it seemed like an extra service (unusual time) and he looked confused and then said yes. then he stopped about 3/4 mile away from home and says 'I lied, it doesn't stop there'. Having just opened the letter when I was out and having a very heavy bag of shopping (nothing exciting - cleaning supplies) this was the last thing I needed. Had been holding back the tears for about an hour by then and that was the last straw... walked back home sniffling and feeling rather embarrassed! :/
There's no way I could ever afford to get surgery privately either.
So a waiting game. I was so hoping that this would just go smoothly and I would have a semi fresh start... so I could pursue the career I've always wanted and could walk around in everyday life without feeling paranoid that my scars are showing.
So everything is up in the air again and I'm feeling pretty lonely and rubbish.
Night all, sorry for the moan xx
4 June 2012
Why I'm quiet - a glimpse into the social world of an Aspie
Here's a little snippet into Aspie brain in terms of socialising - but I'll sum up to start with - if you meet someone you can't quite figure out - maybe they're very shy + quiet, a bit awkward - don't assume they don't want to be around you - their socials skills might just not be the best! (Or just work differently)
Anyway, here's a little insight into an Aspie world:
When I know I have a short-ish social encounter coming up (this can be anything from coffee after church to a doctors appointment) I will 'rehearse' how I think the conversation might go, what I think would be the best response to various questions/actions.
This 'scripting' or rehearsing technique however, is only useful when I know in which context I'm meeting someone. If I don't know which 'box' to put you in, I can't plan a tailored response.
People might say 'just be yourself' the trouble is when you've had depression for 5 1/2 years you really don't have anything to talk about! I have many stories I could to tell, but they are not ones people want or like to hear. So that part of my life complicates things a lot.
In addition to the planning stuff I do, after I chat to someone the conversation/s will replay in my head for hours and sometimes days afterwards. It's not me being vain, worrying what people think - I'm genuinely just trying to figure it out so I know what 'box' to put you in and how to respond if I meet you again!
My brain is a bit like a computer program when it comes to socialising - in unexpected social situations where I don't have a 'script' I'm lost. Computer says no! (Or more like get the heck of here Emma!)
The irritating thing is I'll often think of a great thing to say - the day (or week!) after the conversation.
I'll even find myself repeating conversations out loud when I'm on my own. It's just my way of making up for my lack of social intuition. I'd say that's basically what (at least for me) Aspergers is - lack of social intuition (plus some sensory sensitivity).
You might be thinking - if socialising is SUCH a bloody effort whiney girl why bother?! Well I am human - different yes - but I still need friends and family to live life with :)
In other news I'm waiting to hear back about a very pivotal thing - hoping I get the answer I want but trying my best to trust God knows what's best for me and it may not be the same as I think. From there I will be able to make some more decisions. I am definitely moving to Cheltenham regardless though, so that's next on my to do list!
Hope everyone is having a great Jubilee double bank holiday weekend :)
Night all
X
19 May 2012
Thoughts and - don't drink Pepsi Max Emma!
So I haven't written as much recently, been doing some thinking; well a lot of thinking really.
As far as things've been for the past 5+ years, things've been pretty good recently. Still struggling sometimes with the mental health stuff - just the eating really. The other stuff has been under control since Feb. Taste is a strange thing though isn't it? They say smell can evoke very vivid memories, feelings etc. For me - Pepsi Max. Sounds a bit strange, but all through the worst of my illness I've drunk Pepsi Max, switched to Coke Zero recently cos I like it better... but tesco's didn't have any today, so I had some Pepsi Max... it was kind of a déjà vu type feeling - very strange feeling... I just took a sip and it came over me. Weird. Very weird. Note to self: Don't drink Pepsi Max!!
Anyway. The physical health stuff is somewhat better. Completely shattered after walking round the garden centre with Andrew n Mum earlier, but it's a big improvement on the wheelchair! My back's still being nasty but that's not really going to change I don't think. It's just twisted, and unless I go through fairly major surgery, the options really are painkillers/physio/restricting activity. And the surgery may or may not help. (apparently - although when it feels like my ribs are crushing my intestines/liver everyday cos they're twisted backwards on themselves... I am reluctant to completely agree!). Hopefully something can help. I don't care what it is, I just want to be able to walk around and... well...
There've been a lot of coincidences recently that've got me thinking. Those who knew me when I was at school may know I wanted to study medicine - I had no doubt that I would!! (If only I knew what was coming!) I'd completely ruled this out after the past few years, but now... just knowing the right diagnosis for stuff has helped no end. Hopefully people will stop trying to fix things that aren't broken. And I can work on fixing what is.
I'm going to see how this next year or so goes, how my physical health is etc, and review things. It's still what I'd like to do. I love learning, I'm hardworking and I want to use my life to help others. Sorry if 'help' is politically incorrect now, I don't know! I think you know what I mean. I'm not saying I'm definitely going to go and do this (and if I do, I know it'll take longer than I'd like ;) ). But I'd like to give it my best shot and I haven't been able to do that yet. Not ruling anything out. If it doesn't work out, maybe I will train as a proper silversmith! My experiments with silver that keep not working are far too expensive!!
So. I'm going to move. To Cheltenham; I like it, that's where my church is, and there are actual places within a 5 mile radius of a flat ;) Busses are good (for Gloucestershire anyway! :P) and there are a couple of places I could volunteer at/with to get me back into a kind of ... something lol.
Wow that was a lot of waffly crap that took far too long to write!! I'm hoping to actually get to sleep before 4am tonight, so I'm going to have a nice girly bubble bath and go to bed I think.
p.s. I still haven't quite got my head round the whole AS thing yet... it's challenged my preconceptions of what someone with AS is like (which I thought (having an Autistic brother) were fairly accurate). But knowing that others will have those - and possibly more, (e.g. 'trainspotter') - type stereotypes when they think of Aspergers... is a difficult one. Do I say? Do I not? With education and employers I kinda have to say... but then.. all those misconceptions, prejudice and outdated stereotypes come into play.
pps. I'm hoping all the physical stuff could just be malnutrition... cos, quite frankly the other options are worse! Neurology appt not til July though and who knows when Frenchay will be able to see me about the Scoliosis... more waiting... I'm far too impatient for my own good!!
As far as things've been for the past 5+ years, things've been pretty good recently. Still struggling sometimes with the mental health stuff - just the eating really. The other stuff has been under control since Feb. Taste is a strange thing though isn't it? They say smell can evoke very vivid memories, feelings etc. For me - Pepsi Max. Sounds a bit strange, but all through the worst of my illness I've drunk Pepsi Max, switched to Coke Zero recently cos I like it better... but tesco's didn't have any today, so I had some Pepsi Max... it was kind of a déjà vu type feeling - very strange feeling... I just took a sip and it came over me. Weird. Very weird. Note to self: Don't drink Pepsi Max!!
Anyway. The physical health stuff is somewhat better. Completely shattered after walking round the garden centre with Andrew n Mum earlier, but it's a big improvement on the wheelchair! My back's still being nasty but that's not really going to change I don't think. It's just twisted, and unless I go through fairly major surgery, the options really are painkillers/physio/restricting activity. And the surgery may or may not help. (apparently - although when it feels like my ribs are crushing my intestines/liver everyday cos they're twisted backwards on themselves... I am reluctant to completely agree!). Hopefully something can help. I don't care what it is, I just want to be able to walk around and... well...
There've been a lot of coincidences recently that've got me thinking. Those who knew me when I was at school may know I wanted to study medicine - I had no doubt that I would!! (If only I knew what was coming!) I'd completely ruled this out after the past few years, but now... just knowing the right diagnosis for stuff has helped no end. Hopefully people will stop trying to fix things that aren't broken. And I can work on fixing what is.
I'm going to see how this next year or so goes, how my physical health is etc, and review things. It's still what I'd like to do. I love learning, I'm hardworking and I want to use my life to help others. Sorry if 'help' is politically incorrect now, I don't know! I think you know what I mean. I'm not saying I'm definitely going to go and do this (and if I do, I know it'll take longer than I'd like ;) ). But I'd like to give it my best shot and I haven't been able to do that yet. Not ruling anything out. If it doesn't work out, maybe I will train as a proper silversmith! My experiments with silver that keep not working are far too expensive!!
So. I'm going to move. To Cheltenham; I like it, that's where my church is, and there are actual places within a 5 mile radius of a flat ;) Busses are good (for Gloucestershire anyway! :P) and there are a couple of places I could volunteer at/with to get me back into a kind of ... something lol.
Wow that was a lot of waffly crap that took far too long to write!! I'm hoping to actually get to sleep before 4am tonight, so I'm going to have a nice girly bubble bath and go to bed I think.
Night all
X
p.s. I still haven't quite got my head round the whole AS thing yet... it's challenged my preconceptions of what someone with AS is like (which I thought (having an Autistic brother) were fairly accurate). But knowing that others will have those - and possibly more, (e.g. 'trainspotter') - type stereotypes when they think of Aspergers... is a difficult one. Do I say? Do I not? With education and employers I kinda have to say... but then.. all those misconceptions, prejudice and outdated stereotypes come into play.
pps. I'm hoping all the physical stuff could just be malnutrition... cos, quite frankly the other options are worse! Neurology appt not til July though and who knows when Frenchay will be able to see me about the Scoliosis... more waiting... I'm far too impatient for my own good!!
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