Anyway, here's a little insight into an Aspie world:
When I know I have a short-ish social encounter coming up (this can be anything from coffee after church to a doctors appointment) I will 'rehearse' how I think the conversation might go, what I think would be the best response to various questions/actions.
This 'scripting' or rehearsing technique however, is only useful when I know in which context I'm meeting someone. If I don't know which 'box' to put you in, I can't plan a tailored response.
People might say 'just be yourself' the trouble is when you've had depression for 5 1/2 years you really don't have anything to talk about! I have many stories I could to tell, but they are not ones people want or like to hear. So that part of my life complicates things a lot.
In addition to the planning stuff I do, after I chat to someone the conversation/s will replay in my head for hours and sometimes days afterwards. It's not me being vain, worrying what people think - I'm genuinely just trying to figure it out so I know what 'box' to put you in and how to respond if I meet you again!
My brain is a bit like a computer program when it comes to socialising - in unexpected social situations where I don't have a 'script' I'm lost. Computer says no! (Or more like get the heck of here Emma!)
The irritating thing is I'll often think of a great thing to say - the day (or week!) after the conversation.
I'll even find myself repeating conversations out loud when I'm on my own. It's just my way of making up for my lack of social intuition. I'd say that's basically what (at least for me) Aspergers is - lack of social intuition (plus some sensory sensitivity).
You might be thinking - if socialising is SUCH a bloody effort whiney girl why bother?! Well I am human - different yes - but I still need friends and family to live life with :)
In other news I'm waiting to hear back about a very pivotal thing - hoping I get the answer I want but trying my best to trust God knows what's best for me and it may not be the same as I think. From there I will be able to make some more decisions. I am definitely moving to Cheltenham regardless though, so that's next on my to do list!
Hope everyone is having a great Jubilee double bank holiday weekend :)
Night all
X
